Dog in the Fowl House
by Dramaphile
Summary: the world's first dogtorture/fowltorture fic.... i think...


Dog in the Fowl House  
By drama  
Category: humor (I hope so!), character death(does that count if she's already dead??)  
Spoilers: amor fati, Millennium, Requiem and Within  
Keywords: Doggett/Fowley, Fowltorture, Dogtorture (is that a word?) MSR  
Rating: pg-13 for grossness  
Disclaimer: I don't want Fowley and I certainly wish Doggett never existed in the first place. I'm holding Mulder and Scully hostage until CC comes in his right mind and brings Mulder back so they can live happily ever after...  
Notes: I wrote this not long following Within when I was very mad at Dogsh*t and in a comic torture sort of mood... I'm dreadfully sorry for resurrecting her nastyness, but it was necessary... I think I may have created a new category of fic: Fowley/Doggett... scary thought really...  
  
Dog in the Fowl House  
By Drama  
  
Doggett sat at an empty desk in the deserted bullpen, his potato-like face placid as he stared at the glowing computer screen, mesmerized as the little colored shapes danced around his screen saver. He especially liked the green square, but he knew he shouldn't pick favorites, so he tried to watch the other shapes equally as much.   
The sound of choppy, draggy sort of footsteps resonated through the room, accompanied by an echoing slurp and a grunt. He froze, terrified at the sound. His mind constructed the horrifying image of a mutant bunny on the loose. Doggett was especially scared of bunnies.  
Something slimy and cold touched his shirt and leaked onto his shoulder as putrid odors engulfed him.   
He turned sharply, ready to defend himself and saw *her*. He instantly fell in love with her moldy green skin and decomposing appendages, on eye hanging from its socket by a single tendon and her legs, maggot filled and bloated, couldn't have been more appealing to him.   
He had seen her before, around the bureau, but she was never before so radiant.  
"Diana!" he said as the cheesy love story music played in his head.  
"Where have you been all my life?"  
She snorted and pulled a grub out of her nose.  
"Well, I've been dead for a while." The decomposition of her vocal chords made her voice sound like a spoon caught in the garbage disposal, but to Doggett there was no sweeter music. He smiled in a starchy sort of way, like a potato would if it had a mouth.  
"And yet here you are!"  
"Well duh!" She ate the grub and giggled like an elephant with bronchitis.  
"This nacro-necro-something guy named Mark raised me from the dead and here I am! Necrophiliac, that's what he was!"  
She grinned with a mouth full of bugs and rotted teeth.  
"I've missed you, Doggy, ever since that day in the cafeteria when you spilled Jello pudding on me!"  
Diana reached over to wipe off a strand of drool from Doggett's chin, leaving a smear of greenish brown slime in the path of her mossy hand. He stood up and crushed her to him, her rotting flesh making a rather pleasant splooshing and gurgling sounds as it smushed against his starched shirt. He pressed his mouth to hers and kissed her, enjoying the feeling of her maggot friend wriggling between his teeth. He inhaled her rant scent, mistaking it for his favorite perfume. Doggett pulled back from her, licked his lips and swallowed a stray grub.   
"Oh, Diana."  
She batted her moth-eaten eyelashes.  
"Oh Doggy"  
"I-"  
Just then, the door burst open and Scully came in, hair tousled, dragging a disheveled Mulder behind her, lipstick all over his face and his shirt partially unbuttoned.  
"Doggett! Look who I found in the woods!"  
She shrieked at the sight of the rotting Fowley and drew her gun.  
"Duck! Zombie!"  
She shot Fowley in the back of the head, he half mulched brains spilling out and a swarm of flies freed themselves from their rotting prison.   
"Damn! I thought we got all of them on New Year's!" Inspired by the memory of New Year's eve, she pulled Mulder down into a voracious kiss.  
Fowley's dead weight slumped against Doggett and he gently lowered her to the floor, sobbing from his immense grief over his lost love.  
Scully watched him for a moment, eyebrow at half-mast. She looked at Mulder and shrugged, then grinned and kissed him again. They went on like this for quite some time, ignoring Doggett's moans of anguish.  
Scully pulled back and wrinkled her nose.  
"Let's get out of here, it reeks! Can we stop by the store for some sunflower seeds, pickles and Ben and Jerry's on our way home?"  
Mulder got this adorable confused look on his face.  
"Sunflower seeds?"  
Scully giggled and kissed him.  
"I'll tell you about it when we get home." And she dragged him by the hand all the way down the hallway.  
~Fin~  



End file.
